Sarah Feely 00:01
Hi, we're
Sarah Feely 00:03
live. This is our first episode of Remarkable Work Live. We are your co-hosts. I'm Sarah Feely,
Laurel Donnellan 00:11
and this is my lovely partner in all good things, Laurel. Welcome. Happy Wednesday.
Laurel Donnellan 00:20
Happy Wednesday!
Unknown Speaker 00:21
So we we've done how many? You've done we've done 95 podcasts, the Compassionate Leader Circle podcast. This is 96, except we're in a new format. So we're live every Wednesday with awesome, interesting, thoughtful, loving, purpose-filled leaders. What did I miss? What adjective did I miss? That's pretty great. Yeah. Sometimes we'll have guests, and sometimes we'll be with each other, and it it'll generally be every week at noon central On Wednesday, so people in New York can have lunch, and people on the West Coast can have a coffee with us, and people around the world can join us if they're still awake. Great. So we've got some incredible guests lined up for subsequent weeks. Today it's us, and I won't say just us because we're more than just. We're coming in on November 4. It's the day after some pretty major midterm elections. You posted a Forbes article this morning. What time did you get up and start writing? At 6am. Not, I mean, I I think some journalists were up all night, but I was up as I got a good night's sleep after staying up too late, and then I got up at six and started writing. What's on your mind today? Well, I think it's a really good day for compassionate leadership. I'm I am a political junkie, and I come from a very political family on both sides, both my mother and father. My grandfather was a very involved with the Democratic Party in New York early last century and beyond. In my recollection and study of history, this was the most consequential midterm election in my lifetime, and maybe beyond my lifetime. And without, I mean, we are not political pundits, nor do we kid ourselves to be. And so, when you say Consequential. What? Without going too deep and complex, and what? What? Why consequential? Well, I am not happy with our current leadership in the White House. I mean, I can say that as a citizen. I can say that as a compassionate leadership expert, I don't believe the leadership in on many fronts politically is representing care and commitment and civility to our children and to us, and I think there's a lot of bad behavior happening, and so for me, bringing in a more balanced government, and I'm very excited about the diversity. I'm very excited about the governor's race, the Senate, and the Congress in January will be very, very diverse. More women, more people of color, Native Americans. All these things I think bring the voices that really represent our country, and I believe people are hurting, and we need people leading us and deciding how we spend our money as a government on the things that are going to lift us up, including education and health and science and all the things that are important. So I would say I'm a political pundit. I'm just not a professional one. At least the person in the mirror likes listening to you, right? And you have a lot to say. I I also. Follow. I religiously follow. I followed these midterms. I spent a lot of time reading and following media around this. Not probably more than I ever have in my lifetime. Probably because of the age I'm at, and I'm concerned about the future for your children and the children in my life lives, and and I'm just concerned about a lot of things. And today I feel a lot of hope. Yeah, I I was writing my own Substack article, which I'll post today, and I was thinking about all the different angles and all the different, I mean, right? We've got diversity and we've got sort of underdogs, and I was really there was a really an interesting article or interview that Ezra Klein did with James Talarico back a year ago or more more, and I love Talarico's framing of of what's happening in politics, and so it's what my article is about, which is essentially for 10 years or for maybe decades, people have voted along political political lines, and then sort of like reverse engineered how their morals or their faith fits into their political leanings, and really what I think I hope yesterday showed us is a flip of that script, you have people who are like political parties aside. I'm gonna vote with my morals, with my faith, with my values first. Who am I? What do I believe in? What is this country about? And then find a party that fits into that, and it feels good. It feels it feels really good. Well, I think we, if you dig into the data around the elections, there are states where Republican governors won because of their character, and Democratic senators won in the same state because of their character. And I think it's a good trend to have voters look at individuals and what they bring to the table. So that's, and I I have a sense that this electorate, the people that voted, were. It seems like they took this election very seriously and really were educated on their choices and how to vote. Yeah, so I think it's a really exciting, hopeful day, and I'll be interested to see how I haven't dug into this these numbers. My my article is mostly about the diversity of the new leaders coming in in January, but and and not a you know across party lines. But I'm I'll be very interested in seeing what the Participation was in this midterm versus other years. You know, I'm I'm assuming that it was very high, but I haven't looked into those numbers. Yeah, yeah. You know, I think as I think about leadership, like I was thinking about voting and just voter behavior and just behavior that is like along fear-based lines. Like, there's been a lot of fear-based stuff going on. There's a lot been a lot of like anger-based action going on. You know, where does I don't have an answer to this. Where does love fit into what we're feeling and seeing from yesterday? I'd like to comment on that, but I want to talk about fear first because the last midterm election, I lived in Michigan, and this midterm election, we both live in Texas, and so we were bombarded with a lot of media text messages, ads That almost felt in both cases in Michigan, and I was in I was there for the last presidential election as well. I I kept thinking like if I wasn't an informed voter, I wouldn't have voted because. Because of the extreme communication on both sides, on the Democratic and Republican side, the extreme, critical, and often untrue communication in the in the media about candidates, and also just the unrelenting, almost abusive velocity of the media coming at you, right? So, I think the the flames of fear are fanned by all by the media and by political parties using the media to evoke fear, and you know I think fear has always been part of advertising. Pain points has always been part of advertising, but what has been a trend in my lifetime is you know there were there used to be truth in advertising laws enforced and they're not being enforced. You basically can it feels like you can say anything about anyone, and no one is fact checking, and no one is holding you accountable. So I also think the flames of fear are being fanned by fake news, by untruths, truly things that are untrue and made up, and no one's checking people on that. You know, Laurel. There's nothing like having just a barrage of political advertisements and having a nine and a half year old go, "What?" and like being like, "You know what? I don't know. Let's dig into that, right? I mean, it's yeah. Have a kids lens on it. I think it's like I think part of digital citizenship classes for young people includes how to tell what is true and what is fake, and it's getting harder and harder to do that. So I'm glad your Quinn is thinking about that, and you're having that conversation. I we always go say you had a question about physics or chemistry or something, you know, and Avery, your four year old sister, gave you an answer, or Dad, your educated father gave you an answer. Who, who would you think is probably the most accurate or correct? And he's like, "Well, if it's about Candy, Avery, but everything else, Dad." And it's like, "Yeah, I mean, that's in part what we all need to do, and we're bombarded by it. But really think about you know where this information is coming from, and it's you know sources and veracity and all that. So, digital citizenship via a nine and a half year old. Yeah. So bringing it back to love, I believe and I know that everyone wants more love and more care, whether it be in your living room with your kids, or at school, or at a university, or at a hospital, or at a church, or at a synagogue, or at a temple. Like we, we all need community. We all need care. We all need being known. And my belief is many, many of the new candidates that got elected last night. So the incumbents are are going to bring more love and more light to government, and we all need that. Yeah, it gets me. So I I just had this related but semi random thought, which I'm prone to, which is that our friends at the Greater Good Science Center are putting together their first annual Love Summit this February in Oakland, and they're going to have some incredible, incredible guests. I mean, really, and so we in a couple weeks are going to have on a few of their brightest minds around love and compassion on the podcast, and so it'll be really interesting. I think they're yeah to talk to. I mean, right? We're talking about sort of social. Aspects of love and political aspects of love, but what what got me thinking about it is your your comment around the need. There is a deep biological evolutionary need for love that I think we're all feeling we need more of, and unfortunately, because of who we are, and because of how we've evolved in this country, and in some parts because of media and digital addiction and all the things that are disconnecting us, there's even more of a calling and need, and maybe a need to explore new pathways into community. I'm glad you brought up the Greater Good Science Center to move this conversation away from politics and into just good leadership. It doesn't matter what your political affiliation is. We know, and especially you know, Sarah, because you're so close to this. Is there's a business case for love in leadership, whether that be leadership in your community, at home, in the workplace, in the government. Compassionate leadership gets results, and I love that they're having the love summit, and they're going to get right to it and explore that. Yeah. Wow, Laurel. Segue. Look at what happens to be sitting on my desk here with these brilliant other titles? We just published a book. This is the little not for resale bar. So ignore that little gray band. We just published the Compassionate Leaders Companion: 12 Proven Practices to Unlock Remarkable Results, and I mean, there's just hundreds of references in here about the data back reasons why this stuff works, and you know what the science says. But beyond just some sort of theoretical guide to, yay, let's love each other and be kind, this gets really deep into how to lead with compassion, and I think we all know this. Like under times of stress or fear, or you know, we can all lose a little bit of our compassionate edge. And this is how to to how to hold two things closely, right? Which is candor and care, assertiveness and trust building, right? I mean, there's there's just I think it's it's hard to be a leader, particularly in stressful times, and to keep compassion at the center, and we talk about that here. Yeah, and this is the first book I've ever co-written with anyone. And Sarah, it was a dream and a pleasure to do that with you at your kitchen table with children running around And I'm very proud of us that we we put so much love and time and effort into that. We wrote our first draft last year, and and and now we have a beautiful final copy. And and the idea is it's for anyone interested in influencing, inspiring people from a place of heart and love, and also how to be more effective. And it's not easy being a leader. That the the the people in Congress, in the Senate, and governors, governors, mansions around the country; they're not going to have an easy time of it. So, in addition to helping leaders be their best, we want to help them have more ease in the process of leadership, and I think we accomplish that through this book and. and you can also think of it as a self study. There is work. There's not just words. There's work in the workbook, and we Sarah and I are guiding you through a process so that you can come on the other side of of being a better leader, and part of this podcast in interviewing leaders will be in our next book. So we're we're gathering great stories through these podcasts of leaders and people from the past and current leaders who are doing this important work. Of compassionate leadership. Something I want to mention about this workbook is it started as a very large client project. Right, we did a lot of work helping a broad swath of leaders across an organization do this work, and then it's been expanded and expanded and cut and pasted and sliced and diced. And so, I think this is rooted in helping individuals and organizations create cultures of compassion, right? Yeah, and even before our project with an organization, it it started a long time ago with what's the research that supports compassionate leadership? What are the stories of of success that support compassionate leadership? There was a series in Forbes about compassionate leadership. So it's all a long journey of of evergreen principles and new research that can help in the in this era, the playing field for leadership has really flattened. In truth, everyone is a leader. Everyone can be an influencer, whether it's in their home or on social media or on a podcast. When I was growing up, when I was in college, it was sort of like leaders were here, and the people, everyone else was over here. Yeah, yeah. And now those worlds have merged. There's even researchers at the University of Michigan talking about a future where there are no leaders. There's just, I mean, there's no followers. There's just leaders. So it's a really interesting time to be in the conversation and consulting to leaders and and learning about leadership. I want to bridge a concept here because I think it's we can't. Yeah, what's what. explicitly state it. This podcast is called Remarkable Leadership Live. Okay, right? Do I have that right? No, it's actually called Remarkable Work Live. You're close. I think for a week it went. I think for several weeks it was called Remarkable Leadership Live, but we decided to go with Remarkable Work Life. That was a test. That was a test you passed. Okay, edit the tape. So Remarkable Work Live by the Compassionate Leadership Circle, and we're talking about compassionate leadership a lot. What do we mean? What do you mean? What do we mean by remarkable work? So we have something called the remarkable work umbrella. So underneath the umbrella, there's two different types of remarkable work, which I'll get to in a minute. But above above the umbrella is like cold, hard, icky rain, and that is unremarkable work. So that is work that is not satisfying. Remarkable work is both emotionally And financially satisfying, right? So it's not unremarkable, which is soul-sucking work. And underneath the umbrella, we have two different types of work. So we have soul work, which is the absolute best use of your passions and purpose, and you have to figure out your passions and purpose to figure out what your soul work is. And then we have bridge work, which supports you to being able to do your soul work. So you and I are are lucky that our our work work is also our soul work. Sometimes you have to develop skills or support yourself in other ways while you're defining and and developing the skills the skills for your soul work. So remarkable work is work that feeds you. Where do remarkable leaders live in this context? Remarkable leaders provide their constituents with remarkable work. Yeah. Right. So their responsibility as remarkable leaders is to first have remarkable work themselves. It's hard to be a great leader if you don't enjoy your work or the people that you serve as a leader. And then it's it's for you as leaders to understand how to help people find a purpose and use their talents and Passions and have a life outside of work. Yeah, and I think what you're describing, like, you know, this is a little bit of that sort of good to great. You know, we talk about it from capable to remarkable. A lot of us are living like really good enough. There's a lot of good enoughness, and our I've gone out of focus. Eh, a lot of yeah, I'm back. And this is really about like what are the tools, what are the steps, what is the reality of going from like good enough or what we call capable to fully remarkable, both on an individual leadership, the work you're doing, and the the way you're leading others, and so I just find it it's it's like we've made this conceptual leap, you know, naming the podcast this, but this is really about compassion is one of the key tools in the toolkit of remarkable leaders, as is purpose-driven leadership, and so I think it's just important to really articulate the leap we've made to this concept of remarkable, because we all deserve remarkable, and it takes work to believe that first, and then to go after it second, you know. And it takes a whole new mindset for lead. So we're not we're not talking to capable leaders. We we're talking to people who want to be remarkable, you know, and we're not talking to people who just want to have a job. We we're talking to people who want to have soul work, so it's very aspirational in both cases, and it takes having faith and and belief that it's possible. You know, and I think that gets me back to not to make this all about the election, but like there were plenty of like maybe good enough leaders out there where the people said, "No, we need more. We deserve more." So yeah, and I think a lot of people who ran were people that in past eras wouldn't have even thought to run, but they felt you know, like I I read an article recently about some of the scientists that were fired because of Doge ran, and you know I'll look at to see if they won. I hope a few of them did, at least. So people really had a calling to to serve this country and and help co create a better government. You know, this is making me think about good enoughness versus greatness. Remarkable in our language, and this idea that like having higher aspirations for ourselves as individuals and ourselves as a country, right? This whole sort of just general theme of, like, some people are like, listen, like my work, you know, whether they articulate it this way to themselves or not, this idea of like, well, I guess this is good enough, and like, I'm happy, and I mean, I'm, it's, you know, it's a paycheck or it's this, like, yeah, I'm not as happy as I could be, but like, I don't know who am I to want more? Who am I to think I deserve remarkable work? Or who am I to think that, you know? I think this, the I don't know the words hope, aspiration, setting a higher bar to your for ourselves for now our country. Like we're better than this. I don't know. I'm thinking of this idea of like rising to what we deserve, which is remarkableness. The one thing I've observed in almost 30 years of doing this work is it's really hard to have a job of any sort. It's it. It's hard to leave your family and go make money, or deal with a cranky boss, or deal with cranky customers, or or figure out a problem that's never been solved before. If you're a scientist, like work, work is challenging. Just having a job is challenging. When I early in my work with this these models and ideas, I thought, well, things will be easier if you find a calling. And I'm here to say, no, they will not be. Yeah, this is a really good point you're making. Yeah. So having a just a job is really really hard having a calling is really really hard. I feel like they're equally as hard, but you might as well go for the thing that's gonna fill your soul. Yeah, you know. I was talking to a friend this morning who will go unnamed, but I'd love to have her on our podcast at some point, and she's in a very challenging chapter of her life and work that is her calling. And there, we were just talking about this sort of undercurrent of shoulds. Like this is my this is my calling. This is my passion. This fills me up, and this is really hard right now, those two things are not in. They're like dissonant in our head. But what you're saying is that such a fantastic point, which is, it's all hard, but we are drawn to things that have purpose and a greater. Yeah, I mean, a livelihood. You have to co-create it with the marketplace, with the economy, with your family, with your schedule, you know, with your the geography live, and the community live. And I, I think it's going to get more complicated, and we need to especially support young people so they that they have the tools to navigate all this change. Like we we're Sarah and I are facilitating a course right now, and it's it's been a dream of mine to have a multi generational version of this course, and we have we we have gathered a group of people that are ranging many generations, which is exciting. Yeah, I think we owe it to young people, especially people just coming out of college now that are struggling with with the job market and how to navigate it, we we owe them a better future and a better way to. We all need to help them. We need to help ourselves, and we need to help them. Here, here, here, here. So, can we preview? Do you want to preview who we're going to have on next week, or should we just leave that for the? We are going to have the managing director of the Austin Office of Accenture, and she is the executive president of Conference for women in in Texas. Her name is Tamara Fields, and she has an amazing story, an amazing experience, and we're so excited that we get to talk to her next week. And she will launch our our our our remarkable work live with a guest. That's right. I'm so excited. Anything else we want to broach today? Well, we we're going to ask all of our guests two questions, and I thought we should ask ourselves those two questions. So you're First, why is remarkable work, soul work, purpose important to you? And what advice would you give other people that are listening in today about that? Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! whoa, whoa, whoa, Laurel! This is a, this is a. You could take your time. No, I have to organize my thoughts. Why is it important? Humans are meant to work, and humans are meant to contribute To society, we are hardwired to want to contribute. We're also, I think, not. I mean, the data says, and I too believe that not only are we meant to contribute, we're meant to contribute in a purposeful way. And for each of that us, that's a different thing. It's some form of contribution, and we really want to do it. And it brings all sorts of benefits to ourselves and to society. So this combination of the importance of purpose-filled contribution gets to the the heart of remarkable work. I think not only for the betterment of us as individuals, but like we owe the world our unique gifts. It's really a sense of duty, and so I think it's a journey for many of us to find remarkable work. Like I'm, I'm still sort of jealous of those people who, when they were like 10, who are like, I'm a doctor, and they have gone and done it, and that is their calling. And it seems so simple when it's a calling like that. People like me who are like, pivot. I don't know, third life, tertiary life crisis. Here I am, but however long the journey is to find the remarkable work, we owe it to ourselves and society, and it it benefits us all. Did that answer your question about why? And then advice to people. I have a lot of advice on sort of the tactics of it, because that's the coaching work we do. But even before I get into like how you how you start that journey towards remarkable work, something that we talked about here today comes to mind, which is the the belief believing that you deserve remarkable work and that it's out there for you is like the first step in saying like and gosh darn it I'm gonna do something about it. So if you start to force yourself to believe that you deserve it, it will it will come. So beautiful, thank you. So we we also talk about we've talked about purpose. We define purpose as the proclamation of contribution based on your values. We've talked about compassionate leadership, and our our definition for that is using your head and your heart to inspire and influence people, so that they are empowered to do the same for others. Why is compassionate leadership important, and what advice do you have to leaders that want to practice more Compassionate leadership. I think there's two main buckets around compassionate leadership. One, from a moral standpoint, I think it's the right thing to do, and it's the right way to treat people. Second bucket is that the data says that we all perform better and get better results with compassion. So here's where I'll put on my like faux armchair neuroscientist psychology Brain, which is our brains. Even though we're in the 21st century, our brains are still 1,000% wired to be chased in the woods by like saber-toothed tigers, and so we've got this little tiny system in our brain called the limbic system. If you've ever heard of the amygdala, it's like that fear center where, like, oh my gosh, like the herd of lions is chasing me, and you get this like sweat response, and you start your adrenaline kicks in, and you take off running from the herd of lions. Okay, that same limbic system, that same amygdala kicks in the same reaction when a boss sits down and says something crappy to you, and you start feeling your palms sweat, or when you feel embarrassed because you you said something in meeting that made you uncomfortable. It's that same basic system in our brain that triggers a fear response, and so how does this come back to compassion? When people around you, whether it's peers or reports or a leader, do things that kick in that amygdala, people go into fear-based responses. They stop being as innovative. They stop being as creative. They stop sharing ideas. They stop trusting each other. They stop psychological safety decreases. And compassionate leadership is the action-oriented leadership style that actually combats that fear-based response. So, you know, without going, I'm on my soapbox, and I'll pause for a moment. But I think not only is compassionate leadership the right thing to do, it elicits all the things you would ever want an employee to feel and be in a workplace. Sold. I'm gonna try. I'm gonna try that. Do you want me to ask you the same question, Laurel? Sure. Or ask ask a similar any question you want to ask me. Yeah. I'm like out of focus. I got to work on my. Why is purpose so important in work? For me, I have a lot of people around me. I don't have my own children, but children and young people are really important to me. So I have seven nieces and nephews, and your children are important to me. And a lot of children and young people do not have people in their life that love their work as models. And it's something we need to show them more often. It's very like it's very common for people to complain about their job. It's not it's not so common for people to celebrate it. So I think it's important to be a model for them. I don't. I mean, I can't do it any other way. I had parents that loved what they did. My dad was an engineer for IBM and helped develop computers for the Apollo program, and he loved his work. So I had models, and my mother loved being a mom and a Cub Scout mom and a homeroom mother, and all the things she did, and she did it well and professionally. So I was brought up to expect loving my work, but I think for society, like we are the economy. We the the businesses we choose to build, the products we choose to buy, the people we choose to vote for. We have a lot of agency, and the more we tap into values and a deeper purpose, the better the world will be. Amen. What do we have? Anything else here today besides brilliant? You want to ask me about compassionate leadership too? Tell me. Tell me about the importance. Why compassionate leadership? It's really hard to be a leader, and we need all the help we can get, and we need all the tools we can get, And I think somewhere along the way, cruel leadership has come into fashion, and it's it's got to go. It's got to go. There is another way. There's another way that's easier and softer and more ethical and and is better. I just something about what you said, Laurel, made me think about like this sort of simple. It's cool to be kind, and I thought about one of the things we all, we almost all of us want to teach our children is kindness, and so on what planet are parents walking around wanting their kids to be cruel, and yet we've we've greenlighted it as a society for the last long time. I think kindness is coming, Sarah. More kindness is coming. It's and the other thing is that it it already exists in in neighborhoods and community, and it's it's everywhere in this country, and we just need to continue to shine a bright light on it. So. thank you for being my lovely business partner and podcast co-host. Thank you. Such a such a pleasure. We have a lot of fun, so I hope we can model that. So next week. We're actually doing two podcasts, so we'll be doing a short podcast with just me and Sarah. Then we'll be having our lovely guest Tamara Fields with us for a second podcast a little later. We'll be back here on Substack, LinkedIn, and YouTube at noon Central Next Wednesday, you can learn about us at compassionateleaderscircle.com. Please write us there if you have questions that you have for the for us. We'd love to answer them, and we're also going to be inviting people from this community on to have conversations and coaching conversations. If you need some coaching, raise your hand and connect with us at our website. I love that. We'll do some live fishbowl coaching, which is so fun. Yeah, Yeah, and you can find our book on Amazon. So just go to Amazon and and put in Sarah Feely, and her our book will pop up. We'd love for you to read the article. Yes, I am not a full time political pundit, but today I am. So, if you're interested in what I wrote about around diversity and decency, winning the election, please Google Forbes and Laurel Donnellan, and that will come up. And we'll see you next week. Thanks, Sarah. Thanks, Laurel. See you next week. Bye, everyone.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
