Inside Out 2 Expresses What I Wish I’d Known 25 Years Ago...

In Inside Out, we watch young Riley gain experiences that inform major pieces of her

identity and Big Assumptions… those underlying, unseen "truths" that inform how she understands her world: If I'm good at hockey, people will like me. Fast forward to adulthood, and this Big Assumption might develop into: I need to achieve things at a high level to be valued in the world.

Big Assumptions and the life events that shape them are the baggage that Anxiety carries with her in this picture from the film.  I'll rephrase to show a causal chain (where 4-6 become a vicious cycle)

1. Life experiences
2. Beliefs (baggage)
3. Unquestioned truths (baggage)
4. Doing and thinking things that protect me from the pain of those "truths" potentially being true (baggage)
5. Anxiety/Fear
6. Protective behaviors that keep me from changing/reaching my goals

It’s a profound reminder of how our early life experiences – success in sports, academic challenges, experiences with authority figures – can create deep-seated narratives (both true and false) about how the world works.

For so many of us, these "Big Assumptions" (a term taken from Drs. Robert Keegan and Lisa Lahey's research and organization Minds at Work) can drive our behaviors, relationships, and mental health for years to come. I wish I'd had this perspective two decades ago... helping me understand the link between my early achievements and my sense of value in the world would have made such a difference.

In my coaching, here are some deep-rooted Big Assumption behaviors that we have unpacked:

• Making friends as a kid through being funny and easygoing: I assumed to be liked and valued, I have to be pleasant and accommodating, leading to saying yes all the time and struggling with boundaries.
• Growing up as a high-performing athlete: I assumed if life doesn’t feel challenging and hard, I must not be working hard enough, leading to repeated burnout.
• Growing up without financial means: I assumed money is the ultimate measure of success, leading to making choices in adulthood that put money ahead of other values (quality time; strong relationships; boundaries with children).
• Struggling in school as a kid: I assumed I am not as intellectually gifted as other people, leading to imposter syndrome
• My parents often ignored or hurried me when I spoke: I assumed I don’t bring a ton of valuable insights (so I need to be really interesting to deserve attention), leading to fear of public speaking; not feeling "interesting enough" to add value to the conversation; not deserving of the "mic"
• Growing up in a household rife with conflict: I assumed all conflict is bad, leading to excessive agreeableness and trouble providing feedback

What "Big Assumptions" have and continue to shape your life?